cooking for teens

ESINGAPORE – Korean army stew, mapo tofu and pasta with fennel and sausage are some of the dishes that 13-year-old Sylvie Black whips up on a regular basis.

Sylvie, who started learning to cook under supervision around the age of six, has 2,300 recipes saved on Pinterest.

The Year 9 student at an international school is a fan of British celebrity chef Heston Blumenthal, whose creations – such as a chocolate “nest” dessert, surrounded by dry ice – display a kind of “mystical” artistry, she says.

Sylvie and her 15-year-old sister have been involved in making family meals since they were younger. Their mother, Ms Penelope Foo, the founder of a cooking school called Hungry Mummies, used to suggest cooking together if they came back from school feeling down. They would bake puff pastry laced with cheese and pesto, scarfing the snacks hot from the oven.

Ms Foo, a 43-year-old divorcee, says: “Cooking also kept the children from bickering. The calm would take over and you go into a flow state.”

Sylvie, who cooks at home at least once a week, describes it as a journey of self-discovery.

She says: “When I was a kid, I didn’t understand the point of cooking because you could’ve just bought the food. As I got older, I realised that making food is not about convenience. It was more about what you like and what you’re capable of.”

She used to prefer baking before experimenting with savoury Thai and Korean dishes, then delving into exploring individual ingredients.

She says: “Making people happy with my food is definitely my goal. Knowing I can make a dish again is empowering.”

Mapo tofu, a spiced tofu dish cooked with minced pork, is part of teenager Sylvie Black's homecooking repertoire. ST PHOTO: KELVIN CHNG

Growing appetite for cooking classes

Teenagers who cook for their families are rare in a culture where takeaways and express food delivery is common, and where even adults may not cook regularly.

Even though young people face barriers to becoming home cooks, some service providers are reporting growing demand for cooking programmes for children and teens.

Mr Daniel Tan is the founder of cooking school Food Playground in Chinatown. He says his school holiday cooking programmes for children, aged 10 to 18, have seen a 15 per cent year-on-year increase in participation since they were launched in 2020.

Food Playground’s two-day cooking camps first drew interest from parents wanting to keep their kids occupied during the Covid-19 pandemic, he says. They start at $300 and children learn how to cook dishes like chicken char siew, char kway teow and shepherd’s pie.

“Because of their busy lifestyles, most parents do not cook often. Usually, they get their domestic helpers to do the cooking. Still, they do realise the importance of cooking, baking and knowing about nutrition as life skills for their children,” says Mr Tan.

He adds that young people were also drawn in by shows like Culinary Class Wars (2024), a South Korean cooking competition on Netflix.

Over at Faith Acts, a charity based in Queenstown, its weekly in-house Junior Chef programme for primary schoolchildren has expanded since 2021 to include cooking workshops at two primary schools, says its head of youth services Brian Zhang.

Mr Zhang says that learning to cook helps children gain confidence quickly. He has seen them no longer afraid of using a knife a few months into the programme, whereas learning to play music with a degree of proficiency, for instance, takes longer.

He says: “The pupils enjoy the sessions. A lot of them are excited to da bao (takeaway) the dishes they made for their parents. But many parents may not be confident about letting them cook at home.”

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The obstacles facing youth who may want to cook more include parents’ anxiety about their child using a gas stove at home; parents and their older offspring returning from work or school late and feeling too tired to cook a meal; the adults not having the time to shop for groceries; and a reluctance to wash up and clean the kitchen afterwards, says Mr Zhang.

Ms Foo has seen demand at Hungry Mummies’ cooking classes for children and teenagers rise about 30 per cent from 2023. She teaches young people from six to 18 how to cook dishes such as Korean fried chicken, miso ramen, salmon fried rice and lava cake.

Lessons at Hungry Mummies, which she launched in 2014 from her Telok Blangah HDB flat, start at $90 for a two-hour session.

“I teach more kids than I do adults now,” says Ms Foo. She adds that the adults who took her classes included 40-somethings whose mothers never allowed them into the kitchen, asking them to study instead.

She has noticed a “disconnect” with some young people when it comes to local foods. Some participants cannot distinguish between ingredients such as ginger, garlic and onion, or identify what a spatula is.

She has also encountered children who do not know what “tau gay” is, calling them “bean sprouts” or “dou ya”, the Mandarin equivalent, instead.

TikTok recipes versus traditional cooking

Providers and families say the benefits of having their children cook, usually once a week on weekends, extend beyond family bonding.

A spokesperson at self-help group Singapore Indian Development Association (Sinda) says: “There has been a steady interest in cooking-themed workshops among children and teens in recent years. Such Sinda programmes usually see full registration, especially among families with children aged six to 14.

“When children cook regularly at home, they are also able to contribute meaningfully to household needs This helps build self-esteem, responsibility and a sense of ownership – qualities that spill over into other areas of life, such as schoolwork or leadership roles.”

Jaswant Yoon Kai Jie Muthu, 17, (right) with his father, Mr Mike Muthu Sangaiillai, a manager in the construction industry, enjoys cooking with his parents once a week. ST PHOTO: SHINTARO TAY

Jaswant Yoon Kai Jie Muthu, 17, is a volunteer at Faith Acts’ Junior Chef programme, which he participated in as a primary school pupil.

Jaswant, now a first-year polytechnic student, says: “As a child learning about cooking, I also learnt resilience. There were times when our food got burnt and we were sad. There would be multiple opinions and I would wonder, why did they say that about my food? But I learnt to take in constructive feedback.”

Jaswant, an only child, enjoys cooking dishes like carbonara on the weekend with his parents. His mother, 49, is a clerk and his father, 51, is a manager at a construction firm.

He says: “There are things that modern chefs don’t teach. It’s good to keep traditional methods as they are the heart of cooking.”

He looks for recipes on Instagram and TikTok. One advised him to use tomato puree for the classic Chinese dish of tomato and eggs, which his mum vetoed in favour of fresh tomatoes.

Helping to lighten the load

Lukesh Terrence Jessen, 14, (right) and his mother Ms Shamala Masilamany, a marketing and finance manager, show the kampung fried rice with chicken dish he cooked, a family recipe. ST PHOTO: LIM YAOHUI

Secondary 2 student Lukesh Terrence Jessen, 14, is one of several home cooks in his six-member family. His parents and his eldest brother also like to cook. Lukesh has a twin brother and an eight-year-old sister.

Lukesh participated in the second season of Vasantham Junior Chef, a cooking competition for children that aired on meWatch in 2024.

He has had his share of cooking mishaps since he started cooking in earnest around the age of 12. He has burnt dishes, added too much salt, and had hot oil splatter on him.

He likes cooking dishes like quesadillas, lime and cilantro chicken, and Ramly burgers.

He says: “I improved my knife skills through watching YouTube videos and I cook from the heart. The satisfaction comes when you put in so much hard work and people compliment your dish. I prefer home-cooked food as there’s no better food than my mother’s cooking.”

His mother, marketing and finance manager Shamala Masilamany, is the household’s primary cook most of the time.

With Lukesh, her husband, aged 40, and her 26-year-old eldest child chipping in, the family’s domestic requirements are better understood and shared.

Ms Shamala says: “Cooking is not a gendered role. I’m happy that when my family members see I’m tired, my husband will cook, the boys will clean the kitchen. They say, ‘Talk to us instead.’”

Kampung fried rice with chicken

Kampung fried rice and chicken, a family recipe cooked by Lukesh Terrence Jessen, 14. ST PHOTO: LIM YAOHUI

A family recipe from Lukesh Terrence Jessen, 14, and his mother, Ms Shamala Masilamany, 45.

Ingredients

Paste for fried rice:

1 large red onion, sliced

3 large garlic cloves, sliced

Chillies – adjust spice level to preference, from none to 3 whole red chilli padis and 3 whole green chilli padis for a spicy kick

1 chicken stock cube

Chicken marinade:

½ tsp turmeric powder

1 tsp chilli powder

1 tsp chicken curry powder

1 tbsp cornflour

½ tsp sesame oil

A pinch of salt

5 chicken drumlets

3 eggs

1 handful of ikan bilis

6 stalks of kang kong sliced if preferred

2 tbsp oyster sauce

Salt to taste

Overnight rice roughly the amount from 1½ standard paper cups of uncooked rice

Canola oil

1 small cucumber, sliced, for garnish

Instructions

1. Mix the chicken marinade ingredients with the chicken drumlets and marinade for two hours.

2. Blend the ingredients for the fried rice paste in a food processor.

3. Fry ikan bilis in some canola oil in a wok or large pan. Remove the ikan bilis and set aside.

4. Put the blended fried rice paste in the oil that has been flavoured by the ikan bilis, and fry the paste until it is cooked.

5. Add the 3 eggs.

6. Add the oyster sauce.

7. Add the leftover cooked rice.

8. Add the kang kong.

9. Add the ikan bilis that had been removed earlier.

10. Add salt to taste, if desired.

11. Dish out and plate the fried rice.

12. In a pan, fry the marinaded chicken in about 3cm of canola oil over medium heat.

13. When the chicken is fully cooked through, remove from the oil and serve with the fried rice.

14. Add sliced cucumber to garnish.

Serves three

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Venessa Lee is a feature writer and senior correspondent at The Straits Times.

15 months before buying hdb

SINGAPORE – Private home owners looking to buy a non-subsidised resale Housing Board flat must wait 15 months after selling their property. Introduced in 2022, the 15-month wait-out period was aimed at curbing demand from cash-rich downgraders.

National Development Minister Chee Hong Tat said recently that private property owners may not need to wait till 2027 or 2028 for a review of the wait-out requirement.

Here is what you need to know about the policy, its implications and why a change may be coming sooner than expected.

What is the 15-month wait-out period?

Introduced in September 2022, the 15-month wait-out period requires former and current owners of private homes to wait 15 months after selling their private property before they can buy a non-subsidised HDB resale flat.

This rule does not apply to those 55 and over who are buying a four-room or smaller resale flat.

Why was the rule implemented?

The wait-out period was introduced to help cool down the HDB resale market, which was heating up partly due to demand from private property downgraders flush with capital.

These buyers were seen as contributing to price surges, outbidding first-time home buyers in the resale market as they generally have more means to buy resale flats.

What was the impact of the rule?

Prices of resale HDB flats grew at a slower pace, suggesting that the temporary removal of private downgraders helped ease upward pressure on resale flat prices.

However, once the first batch of affected private home owners completed their wait-out period, the market saw a resurgence in activity, said real estate agency ERA Singapore’s key executive officer Eugene Lim.

In the first three months of 2024, 7,068 resale HDB flats changed hands, accompanied by a 1.8 per cent quarter-on-quarter increase in the HDB resale price index – the steepest since the rule took effect, Mr Lim pointed out.

The momentum continued into the second quarter of 2024 with a 2.3 per cent price increase, signalling that returning private buyers were a key force driving renewed demand and price growth.

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However, this rebound tapered slightly in the first three months of 2025, when the resale price index quarterly growth slowed to 1.6 per cent.

A likely factor was the large Sale of Balance Flats exercise in February 2025, which increased flat availability and absorbed some of the demand that would have otherwise gone to the resale market, explained Mr Lim.

The 15-month wait-out period also pushed many private home owners, particularly those needing immediate housing after selling their properties, into the rental market.

This has contributed to stronger rental demand and upward pressure on rents for bigger HDB flats and also mass-market condos. 

What might change, and why now?

The Housing Board will be launching more than 50,000 units from 2025 to 2027, said Mr Chee on June 21.

Mr Chee said he expected the effect of a strong continued supply of new Build-To-Order flats and resale units would moderate resale prices, making it timely for the authorities to consider if the 15-month cooling measure should be partially or entirely removed.

More flats will also hit the market as they complete their minimum occupation period (MOP) – a mandatory stay period (typically five years) before owners are allowed to sell them on the resale market.

About 13,500 flats will reach their MOP in 2026, up from 8,000 in 2025. In 2028, this will rise to 19,500 flats.

What is the expected impact of this on the residential property market?

Mr Lim of ERA expects a rise in demand and prices of resale HDB flats in mature estates if the 15-month rule is relaxed or lifted.

“This is due to their well-established amenities as well as transport connectivity, which are strong draws for right-sizers and family buyers alike,” he said.

Ms Christine Sun, chief researcher and strategist of property agency OrangeTee Group, said prices of five-room and bigger flats may continue to experience a gradual price increase.

However, the increased supply in the pipeline could help to mitigate the risk of soaring prices after the relaxation of rules, she added.

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Who will stand to benefit?

Private home owners under 55 are likely to benefit the most if the rule is lifted earlier than expected.

This is especially true for those who are cash-tight, as it would allow them to sell their condominium or landed property, and secure a replacement HDB home within a shorter timeframe, said Mr Lim.

Seniors who want bigger flats would also have more options.

Home owners of bigger flats who are looking to sell would also benefit from higher demand.

airport lounges

UNITED STATES – It was only when my partner and I arrived at Orlando Airport in May that I realised my crucial error: I had forgotten to pre-book the one lounge to which I had access.

The Club MCO lounge was full, so we joined the queue to enter our names in the much-longer digital queue.

After 20 minutes of standing around, we gained entrance to what looked like a breakfast buffet at a budget hotel: beige walls, tired carpets and a small selection of food that looked far less appetising than the options at Bahama Breeze, the wonderfully tacky, Caribbean-themed restaurant in the terminal.

Sipping on a weak gin and tonic, and picking at a sad cup of gummy bears, I had to ask myself: Why exactly was I so desperate to be here?

There have never been more airport lounges. Yet there are also seemingly more lounges that are not worth the hassle. Many are forlorn. Many others are overcrowded. Sometimes, the lines for the lounges are the longest in the airport. Yet people all still fight to get in.

Many will choose to fork over too much in credit card fees or commit to flying on one airline to gain entry to these spaces, because they still believe the lounges offer a taste of luxury amid the stress of travel.

In the smartphone age, people have been sold on the idea that travel is no longer just about the act itself, but about being seen to be travelling – and being seen to do so in style. Just do not tell those sitting at Bahama Breeze that they are probably having a better time.

A month after my sojourn at Orlando Airport, I would question my lounge loyalty again, this time after receiving an e-mail alerting me that the annual fee for my Chase Sapphire Reserve card – a premium credit card favoured by my fellow millennials, which comes with access to lounges around the world – was jumping from US$550 (S$640) to an eye-popping US$795.

This new fee was accompanied by a confusing raft of other changes designed to justify the bump, such as a US$500 resort credit, US$300 to spend at a list of restaurants and membership to Apple Music.

But even as I dived into this complicated mental mathematics and debated whether I was ready to leave Spotify, my eye fell to the photo embedded in the e-mail of the new, convolutedly named Chase Sapphire Lounge by the Club at the Philadelphia International Airport.

Although I had flown through the city only once in my lifetime, I still found it alluring. The space resembled a sexy bar in a ritzy hotel lobby, complete with plush furnishings and mood lighting that appeared flattering enough to make even the most weary traveller look like James Bond sipping a martini.

While Chase has built a handful of fancy clubs (with plans for more), most of those my card gives me access to are decidedly less glamorous. In some of them, with their cubed cheese and powdered eggs, I have felt less like Bond and more like Melissa McCarthy’s frumpy cat lady in the 2015 action comedy, Spy.

Mr Ben Schlappig understands my sentiments. The founder of the flight and travel website One Mile at a Time estimates he has visited more than 500 lounges since he began chronicling his globe-trotting in 2008. He cites unpleasantries such as overcrowding and sitting next to someone exhibiting what he calls “airport behaviour” (like chatting loudly on a speakerphone).

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Occasionally, when he knows a lounge will be one of the sad ones where the buffet seems like “a feeding trough”, Mr Schlappig – who has premier status with American AAdvantage and Air France-KLM Flying Blue – prefers to simply wait by the gate.

“At some point,” he told me, “when everybody has lounge access, it’s almost like nobody does.”

It certainly feels like everybody does. Collinson, the company behind Priority Pass, reported a 31 per cent increase in lounge visits in 2024 compared with the year before.

More than half of frequent travellers visit lounges, according to a survey in 2024 by Airport Dimensions. The market research firm Research and Markets predicted the US$4.21 billion airport lounge industry will more than double by 2029.

Once reserved mostly for older, frequent business travellers, lounges are increasingly being invaded by people like me: millennials who baulk at the cost of a first-class ticket but can afford an annual credit card fee.

Even though demand for travel appears to be waning amid an uncertain economy, what has not changed is the extent to which social media and influencer culture peddle these lounges as a key ingredient of the good life.

With interest through the roof, little wonder that the lounge industry is becoming embroiled in something of an arms race. Credit card companies like Chase and Capital One race to erect fancier lounges to satisfy increasing domestic demand. International airlines are going further to attract those truly wealthy customers willing to fork over thousands for top-class travel.

In Helsinki, Finland, you can take a sauna before consuming a reindeer burger. In Doha, Qatar, you can relax in a Jacuzzi, drive in a Formula One racing simulator or take a nap in a private bedroom.

In Paris, you can dine in a private suite on food prepared by the renowned chef Alain Ducasse, then be driven in a luxury sedan on a tarmac to your plane.

In addition to building more lounges, many operators are trying to thin the herds by making it harder to get in. Capital One announced that in 2026, it will take steps to limit access for members seeking to bring additional cardholders and guests, mirroring recent steps taken by Delta Air Lines and United Airlines.

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One credit card company is dispensing with the airport altogether. American Express now operates a private club in Manhattan for select holders of its Centurion Card – known as the Black Card – part of a wave of pricey members-only clubs that have recently been repopularised in cities around the world.

Airports and planes have long been places where people are regularly and openly sorted into classes, and there is something innately human about striving (or paying) to get to the top. While many of these lounges feel crowded and unremarkable, they still allow you to cosplay, however briefly, as a VIP.

All this complaining is, of course, deeply frivolous in the grand scheme of things. Travel is a privilege. But money is also precious and it is all right to question what people are being sold.

That said, there is one type of airport lounge that I remain deeply committed to: the arrivals lounge.

During a recent long-haul flight from New York to see family in Sydney, Australia, my plane stopped in Auckland, New Zealand, after almost 18 mind-numbing hours of flying. When I cleared customs and waited for my final connection to Australia, I raced to the nearest Priority Pass lounge and took the most incredible shower of my life. I would have paid whatever it had asked. NYTIMES

avoid toxic ppl and activities

At 99, billionaire Charlie Munger shared how to avoid major mistakes in life: Dodge ‘toxic people and toxic activities’

Published Tue, Dec 5 202311:27 AM ESTUpdated Tue, Dec 5 20231:02 PM EST

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Mike Winters

@mike_wintrs

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Charlie Munger

Charlie MungerLacy O’Toole | CNBC

Avoiding mistakes in business and life comes down a few simple things, according to billionaire investor Charlie Munger, who died last week at age 99: good financial habits, integrity and “avoiding toxic people and toxic activities.”

Munger shared the advice during a Q&A session at Berkshire Hathaway’s annual shareholders meeting in May.

An investing icon in his own right, Munger was the long-time business partner of Warren Buffett, the enormously successful investor and CEO of Berkshire Hathaway. For decades, shareholders have flocked to the company’s annual meeting just to hear Buffett and Munger’s advice.

People are “almost certain to succeed” if they spend less than they earn, invest shrewdly, learn continually and remain disciplined, Munger continued. Without those traits, you’ll need a lot of luck to be successful, he said.

As for avoiding toxic people, look out for those “who are trying to fool you or lie to you or aren’t reliable in meeting their commitments,” Munger said. “A great lesson of life is get them the hell out of your life — and do it fast.”

Munger’s advice echoes comments he made in 2019 to CNBC’s Becky Quick about living a “long and happy life.”

The secret to a happy life is being cheerful despite your troubles, and avoiding traits commonly associated with toxic people, like envy or resentment, Munger said. As a rule, you should “deal with reliable people, and you do what you’re supposed to do.”

“All these simple rules work so well to make your life better. And they’re so trite,” Munger said in 2019.

At the shareholders meeting in May, Buffett shared his own thoughts on the topic. To him, most major mistakes in life can be avoided by simply being a good person who acts with integrity.

In making his point, Buffett recalled advice he received from his longtime friend and business partner Tom Murphy: “You can always tell someone to go to hell tomorrow.”

“Think about what great advice it is when you sit down at a computer and screw your life up forever by telling someone to go to hell, or something else, in 30 seconds and you can’t erase it,” Buffett said.

In other words, think twice about giving someone a piece of your mind. As tempting as it may be in the moment, it’s likely not worth the long-term risk to your reputation. After all, how you treat others is a reflection of your own values.

“Write your obituary and figure out how to live up to it,” he said, adding that he’s never known a kind person who “died without friends.”

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chronic tiredness

LONDON - Researchers at the University of Edinburgh said on Aug 6 they have discovered differences in the DNA of people with chronic fatigue syndrome that should help dispel the notion that the debilitating condition is psychological or driven by laziness.

Their study found eight areas of genetic code that are different in people with myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS) than in healthy volunteers.

The finding provides “the first robust evidence that genes contribute to a person’s chance of developing the disease,” the researchers said in a statement.

The key features of the condition include worsening of fatigue, pain and brain fog after even minor physical or mental activity.

Very little has been known about the causes of ME/CFS, and there is no diagnostic test or cure. The condition is believed to affect around 67 million people worldwide, the researchers said.

The DecodeME study analysed DNA samples from 15,579 people who reported having chronic fatigue on a questionnaire and 259,909 people without it, all of European descent.

Gene variants that were more common in people reporting ME/CFS were linked to the immune and nervous systems, according to a report of the study that has not yet been peer-reviewed.

At least two of the gene regions relate to how the body responds to infection, which aligns with reports that the symptoms often start after an infectious illness, the researchers said.

Another gene region has previously been identified in people with chronic pain, another common symptom of the condition.

The findings “align with decades of patients reporting on their experiences,” researcher Andy Devereux-Cooke said in a statement, adding that they “should prove game changing in the ME/CFS research field.”

“These results will not mean that a test or cure will be developed straight away, but they will lead to a greater understanding,” he said.

Scientists who were not involved in the study said using volunteers who self-reported chronic fatigue syndrome rather than restricting participation to those with a diagnosis from a medical professional somewhat weakened its conclusions. They called for larger studies to replicate the results.

Substantial work will be necessary “to translate these findings into new treatments,” said Dr Jackie Cliff, who studies infection and immunity in ME/CFS at Brunel University of London. “This will take considerable investment in academia and by industry.” AFP

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you r not alone in this

There is no other way to put it – we were a ragtag bunch. After all, what do you get when you bring together two middle-aged mums, one dad, two younger techies, a designer and a journalist?

Probably a row of people sitting next to one another on the MRT train on the way to work.

Instead, this group came to The Mind Cafe in Prinsep Street every week to chat. And not just about anything, but well-being skills, and how we can put them into practice in our lives.

In other words, the one thing all seven of us had in common was our wish to cope better with life’s difficulties and be happier.

This was one of the well-being circles by social enterprise Happiness Initiative. Being in the circle involves attending eight Saturday morning group discussions on various topics, led by two trained volunteer facilitators.

Well-being circles are not a replacement for therapy, but meant to enable us to bounce back from life adversities, reads the message by Happiness Initiative co-founder Simon Leow in the participant journal we were all given.

I had signed up to kick habits that make me unhappy.

The mindless doomscrolling – excessively scrolling through content that makes one feel negative – tended to be my go-to coping mechanism when I was stressed or sad. I would dwell upon what I was lacking and reproach myself – which stressed me out even more.

Our facilitators at the well-being circle pointed us to American psychologist Martin Seligman’s theory that humans are primed to worry to stay alive. We are constantly on the lookout for things that demand our attention, to recognise dangers and think about how to survive them.

In the programme, we learnt that the key is to catch the negative thoughts beginning to take hold and to question them. For instance, is it really true that everything is always going wrong in my life? Not so. I might be having a bad day, but there are many things I am thankful for in my life.

We took some time to identify our triggers – events that draw a negative reaction from us – and ways to put a stop to the negative thoughts that come up whenever we are “triggered”. For me, I find that breaking away from a certain app to take a shower can stop a downward spiral of social comparisons and self-loathing.

We were taught to become more aware of our beliefs – and the feelings that flow from them. Negative or limiting beliefs like “I’m not good enough” could then be challenged and reframed to a more constructive narrative, such as “I can learn from this”.

The sessions gave us a structured way of thinking about our problems and coming up with solutions – an empowering experience.

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Real talk

We had our doubts about how effective the circle would be when we started out. Our backgrounds were different and the age range was wide. “Thank goodness you’re in my group,” one person told me. “I thought I would be the only young one.”

Interestingly, it was this diversity that enabled candid discussions. Knowing that these were people who I wouldn’t have had a chance to talk to outside of sessions, I confided in them freely, without fear of judgment or repercussion.

The others must have felt the same, and soon earnest conversation flowed among near-strangers. Questions were asked and answered.

I soon found myself taking in different perspectives, going beyond the assumptions of my usual circle. (After knowing your bestie for over a decade, you kind of know what she’s going to say when you tell her about another Instagram hang-up: “You’re still on this?”)

Often, what we see in a hyperconnected social media age are the highlight reels of people’s lives – the girls too good to be true, the paper-white teeth and perfect bodies that can make even Olivia Rodrigo want to throw her phone across the room.

The circle, in contrast, prompted us to think about our attachment styles, past pains, triggers and the bumpier stretches in life, whatever we were comfortable sharing. 

I was moved by the mum trying to improve her relationship with her daughter, the man navigating the difficulties of a job transition to a new company, the 20-somethings finding their way around loneliness or trying to start their own businesses.

We showed up week after week ready to share and to listen, with some of the conversations continuing into lunch at Plaza Singapura.

We’d skip the small talk and the niceties usually associated with strangers, diving straight into things that mattered to us.

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The circles, which have just concluded their sixth wave, have had a ripple effect.

The two facilitators in my group are former participants who came back as volunteers. Happiness Initiative’s other co-founder, Mr Sherman Ho, tells me that 46 out of 168 volunteers have participated in previous circles.

The next round of well-being circles for the social enterprise will be an inter-university one, starting in January 2025 with student participants from the National University of Singapore, Nanyang Technological University, Singapore Management University and Singapore University of Social Sciences.

Apart from Happiness Initiative’s programme, there are now 11 other well-being circles in Singapore that address the specific needs of each community. These include youth-centric circles such as Project Re:ground @ The Red Box in Orchard Road, and one in the Yuhua area, where there is rising concern for the mental well-being of elderly people.

More than 3,000 people have participated in these community well-being circles, overseen by the Ministry of Culture, Community and Youth as a key component of the SG Mental Well-Being Network. This is a national platform launched in 2022 to connect citizens, social service agencies and mental health advocacy organisations to safeguard mental health.

On my part, I’ve made my partner take tests to find out his character strengths and attachment style, or think about his deep-seated beliefs, often right after the sessions over a cooling plate of mala.

It has made for some good lunch conversations.

Meanwhile, my circle has come to the end of its eight sessions.

Reflecting on my life and hearing about the lives of others has helped me feel less alone in my struggles.

I’m reminded of the lyrics of a song one group member brought up when another mentioned a sense of isolation in adulthood. “You’ve got troubles, I’ve got ’em too. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you. We stick together, we can see it through, ’cause you’ve got a friend in me.”

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Somewhere along the East Coast Park stretch, there is a tree branch “planted” into the sand.

It was a Covid-19 project. During the pandemic years, my family would sometimes cycle to the beach near our home in the evenings and make a quick picnic out of dinner.

On one of those excursions, my daughters – then three and six – delighted in finding a snapped-off branch with leaves still attached to it. They dug a little hole in the sand, stuck the branch in it, and carefully doused it with water from their drinking bottles.

In the intervening years, we’d search for “our plant” when in the vicinity. “There it is,” the girls would sometimes say when they glimpsed a sapling, imagining that the branch had grown.

Later on, as they got older and busier, and my time got more compressed, we did not look for the plant as often any more, but it still looms large in our collective memories – a moment of no significance to others, but evocative of a certain time and place for us.

At the end of 2024, my family will be moving out of our home in Siglap, where we have been living for eight years and which is pretty much the only home that the girls, now six and nine, have known. We will be shifting almost halfway across the island to be closer to their school, so we are leaving not just the apartment but the entire neighbourhood and community.

When my husband and I decided on the move earlier this year, we quickly and decisively set things in motion, recognising the good sense that drove it.

Yet, in the months since, I have also found myself at times unexpectedly bowed by emotion at the prospect. At dinner with a good friend and current neighbour one night, I found myself tearing up in the restaurant as I spoke about the impending move.

What was I grieving for?

The music in the community

At work and even at home, much of my attention is turned outwards.

In a particularly hectic year of elections and hot wars around the world, my colleagues and I are constantly keeping abreast of fast-moving developments across different time zones, ranging from big-power rivalry to political polarisation, economic malaise, religious nationalism and disinformation campaigns – so that we can make sense of what is happening and why it matters to our readers in Singapore and South-east Asia.

It is exciting and meaningful work. But it can also be consuming. As The Straits Times US bureau chief Bhagyashree Garekar remarked during a recent work retreat back in Singapore, “you have to be a little in love with what you are doing” to constantly seek to understand the nuances of all that is unfolding.

To keep things on an even keel, I find myself hunkering down at home and in the neighbourhood during my spare time, seeking solidity in everyday life.

When someone asked me what I do for self-care, I replied that I enjoy going to the wet market every week in Marine Terrace.

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The reasons are twofold: For one, I reckon I am being somewhat productive even as I relax by buying fresh produce and flowers for the home.

But there is another factor at play: Over the years, I have struck up some sort of relationship with the vendors there.

The vegetable uncle knows that I am always on the lookout for Singapore-harvested vegetables and throws in some sprigs of spring onion or coriander. The flower auntie thrusts Cantonese mock-scoldings and packets of Yakult at my daughters. I exchange holiday plans with the fishball noodle uncle.

Our mutual dance of commerce has evolved, from the initial years of fumbling in wallets and fanny packs for banknotes and coins to a quick wave of the mobile phone as the QR code became ubiquitous in the market. Some were faster, others were slower, but everyone is now on board and I saw the market aunties and uncles grow, in that sense, as they saw my children grow.

On weekends, our family evening routines generally take one of the following two forms. We bike along the park connector – where both girls have learnt how to ride as we run and pant alongside them – to a nearby playground where children from nearby homes play grounders. Or we bike to Bedok Jetty, where taciturn fishermen oblige the girls with their many questions: “What did you catch? Is the fish dead? What are you going to do with it?”

We will miss them, as we will miss the friendly Burmese woman at the dry-cleaners in Frankel Avenue, the staff at a hipster bagel-and-records joint in Joo Chiat Road that once made my daughter’s day by playing her then favourite Beatles song over the speakers, and the Jalan Tua Kong coffee shop stall owners who helped me out when I urgently needed cash for a funeral wake – I PayLah-ed them in return.

Research has shown that eight out of 10 people apparently buy goods from their local business because of how that same business helped the community. That might be true, but I like to think that what is greasing these relationships is simply humanity.

Of course, at our new home, there will be new places to discover, new memories to make, new community relationships to build. It will just take time.

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I have wondered if what is really also happening is that I am grieving the passing of my children’s childhood, one associated with our current home.

Our older daughter is in the final months of her single-digit years, and the younger one is fast losing her babyishness as she prepares for primary school. While I try to live in the present, I sometimes pre-emptively don the armour of mentally girding myself for the future when they grow up and necessarily grow apart.

Parenting experts, in trying to offer exhausted parents of young children some perspective as they ride out the challenging period of herding little ones, warn that “the days are long but the years are short”.

I have found both the years and the days to be incredibly short.

Mixed into all of this is the seemingly inevitable guilt of being a working mother, one trying to juggle the many balls up in the air.

On one of my days off work this year, I walked our younger daughter to school instead of dropping her off on the way to the office. She is young enough to still find magic in the pathways, be it blowing on a lalang stalk or balance-walking on the ledges that line the street-side verges.

Midway, we found a snail across the pavement. We worried that someone was going to step on it, and tried to move it. But the creature simply would not budge and I gave up after a while. After taking a few steps, my daughter said: “Mama, let’s try to make it wet so the snail can walk.” She doubled back, splashed some water from her bottle on the snail and I moved it to the side with ease.

Having saved the world, or rather, a snail, we carried on.

Will such moments be gone, I think, allowing myself to be melodramatic. Have I given her enough of myself, at a time when she still wants me?

The answer is probably no. But I have also come to the conclusion that what I can give of myself – if I am not busy and am happy at work – is also not satisfactory.

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In trying to reframe my thinking, I have landed on the takeaway that what I am closing a chapter on is not so much my children’s childhood, but a specific idea I have had about the kind of mother I can or should be. A colleague, who is mum to a teenager, reassures me that my children will still need me, albeit in different ways.

While preparing for the move, we are sorting out our worldly possessions accumulated over eight years – from the massive amounts of artwork that the children did in their pre-school years to clothes now too tight, too faded, too faddish.

We are throwing out stuff and making space. A new home awaits.