Probably a row of people sitting next to one another on the MRT train on the way to work.
Instead, this group came to The Mind Cafe in Prinsep Street every week to chat. And not just about anything, but well-being skills, and how we can put them into practice in our lives.
In other words, the one thing all seven of us had in common was our wish to cope better with life’s difficulties and be happier.
This was one of the well-being circles by social enterprise Happiness Initiative. Being in the circle involves attending eight Saturday morning group discussions on various topics, led by two trained volunteer facilitators.
Well-being circles are not a replacement for therapy, but meant to enable us to bounce back from life adversities, reads the message by Happiness Initiative co-founder Simon Leow in the participant journal we were all given.
I had signed up to kick habits that make me unhappy.
The mindless doomscrolling – excessively scrolling through content that makes one feel negative – tended to be my go-to coping mechanism when I was stressed or sad. I would dwell upon what I was lacking and reproach myself – which stressed me out even more.
Our facilitators at the well-being circle pointed us to American psychologist Martin Seligman’s theory that humans are primed to worry to stay alive. We are constantly on the lookout for things that demand our attention, to recognise dangers and think about how to survive them.
In the programme, we learnt that the key is to catch the negative thoughts beginning to take hold and to question them. For instance, is it really true that everything is always going wrong in my life? Not so. I might be having a bad day, but there are many things I am thankful for in my life.
We took some time to identify our triggers – events that draw a negative reaction from us – and ways to put a stop to the negative thoughts that come up whenever we are “triggered”. For me, I find that breaking away from a certain app to take a shower can stop a downward spiral of social comparisons and self-loathing.
We were taught to become more aware of our beliefs – and the feelings that flow from them. Negative or limiting beliefs like “I’m not good enough” could then be challenged and reframed to a more constructive narrative, such as “I can learn from this”.
The sessions gave us a structured way of thinking about our problems and coming up with solutions – an empowering experience.
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Real talk
We had our doubts about how effective the circle would be when we started out. Our backgrounds were different and the age range was wide. “Thank goodness you’re in my group,” one person told me. “I thought I would be the only young one.”
Interestingly, it was this diversity that enabled candid discussions. Knowing that these were people who I wouldn’t have had a chance to talk to outside of sessions, I confided in them freely, without fear of judgment or repercussion.
The others must have felt the same, and soon earnest conversation flowed among near-strangers. Questions were asked and answered.
I soon found myself taking in different perspectives, going beyond the assumptions of my usual circle. (After knowing your bestie for over a decade, you kind of know what she’s going to say when you tell her about another Instagram hang-up: “You’re still on this?”)
Often, what we see in a hyperconnected social media age are the highlight reels of people’s lives – the girls too good to be true, the paper-white teeth and perfect bodies that can make even Olivia Rodrigo want to throw her phone across the room.
The circle, in contrast, prompted us to think about our attachment styles, past pains, triggers and the bumpier stretches in life, whatever we were comfortable sharing.
I was moved by the mum trying to improve her relationship with her daughter, the man navigating the difficulties of a job transition to a new company, the 20-somethings finding their way around loneliness or trying to start their own businesses.
We showed up week after week ready to share and to listen, with some of the conversations continuing into lunch at Plaza Singapura.
We’d skip the small talk and the niceties usually associated with strangers, diving straight into things that mattered to us.
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The circles, which have just concluded their sixth wave, have had a ripple effect.
The two facilitators in my group are former participants who came back as volunteers. Happiness Initiative’s other co-founder, Mr Sherman Ho, tells me that 46 out of 168 volunteers have participated in previous circles.
The next round of well-being circles for the social enterprise will be an inter-university one, starting in January 2025 with student participants from the National University of Singapore, Nanyang Technological University, Singapore Management University and Singapore University of Social Sciences.
Apart from Happiness Initiative’s programme, there are now 11 other well-being circles in Singapore that address the specific needs of each community. These include youth-centric circles such as Project Re:ground @ The Red Box in Orchard Road, and one in the Yuhua area, where there is rising concern for the mental well-being of elderly people.
More than 3,000 people have participated in these community well-being circles, overseen by the Ministry of Culture, Community and Youth as a key component of the SG Mental Well-Being Network. This is a national platform launched in 2022 to connect citizens, social service agencies and mental health advocacy organisations to safeguard mental health.
On my part, I’ve made my partner take tests to find out his character strengths and attachment style, or think about his deep-seated beliefs, often right after the sessions over a cooling plate of mala.
It has made for some good lunch conversations.
Meanwhile, my circle has come to the end of its eight sessions.
Reflecting on my life and hearing about the lives of others has helped me feel less alone in my struggles.
I’m reminded of the lyrics of a song one group member brought up when another mentioned a sense of isolation in adulthood. “You’ve got troubles, I’ve got ’em too. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you. We stick together, we can see it through, ’cause you’ve got a friend in me.”
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