You skip the birthday party. You cancel lunch. They just do not seem worth the effort. And then, more likely than not, you feel worse than you did before.
So how do you find the motivation to get out there, especially when you are feeling low, stressed, tired or lonely? One proven strategy is to strengthen what psychologists call your reward sensitivity.
People’s drive to seek out happiness is a muscle that they can develop. So is their ability to relish experiences. And almost anyone can learn to amp up their reward sensitivity by training himself or herself to notice and savour his or her positive emotions.
That is even true for people with depression and anxiety who struggle to experience pleasure, a condition called anhedonia.
Of course, many people have trouble pursuing pleasure sometimes.
I recently took my young sons to the beach for the weekend. Hours before our getaway, I learnt a friend had died. Numbed by the news, I was in no mood to have a good time, even though I wanted to make things special for my family.
It is part of my job as a therapist to teach people how to manage their emotions. And, as I tell my patients, it is possible to honour legitimate sources of pain and still recognise that moments of brightness improve our well-being.
The research-backed strategies below, which I use in my practice, helped me to make the most of our trip.
Reward sensitivity and mental health
When it comes to mental health treatment, doctors and therapists tend to focus on easing their patients’ negative symptoms – they want “to take away the bad”, said professor of psychology Alicia Meuret at Southern Methodist University.
Yet most people do not just need to reduce pain, but they also need to boost joy.
In fact, improving positive emotions can be a higher priority for patients than containing their depressive symptoms. And research shows that treatments based on this idea can be effective.
A 2023 study co-led by Dr Meuret found that when adults experiencing depression or anxiety participated in 15 weeks of psychotherapy focused on enhancing positive emotions, they reported more improvement than a group whose therapy focused on reducing negative emotions.
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Shorter interventions have shown benefits as well.
A 2024 study of 85 students, led by assistant professor of psychology Lucas LaFreniere at Skidmore College, gave subjects with anxiety regular smartphone prompts to plan pleasurable activities, savour positive moments and look forward to future positive events. After a week, they showed significantly improved feelings of optimism.
An exercise to boost your reward sensitivity
Your drive to seek out happiness is a muscle that you can develop. So is your ability to relish experiences. PHOTO: PIXABAY
To raise your reward sensitivity, you can try an exercise based on the treatment plans in these studies. Make it a daily practice for as long as it is helpful, but commit to at least a week.
Begin by planning one activity a day that will make you happy or give you a sense of accomplishment. This will make you less likely to postpone positive experiences. Be realistic – it can be as small as treating yourself to a favourite snack, reading a few pages of a novel or video-calling a friend.
After you have enjoyed that daily moment, close your eyes and recount out loud, in the present tense, where and when you experienced the greatest joy. Home in on details and physical sensations, like the breeze cooling your face as the sun shines.
This might feel hokey, but do not gloss over the specifics, Dr Meuret cautioned. The idea is not just to remember how you felt, but also to amplify and re-experience it.
More ways to stretch positive feelings
Here are some more subtle but powerful tweaks you can make to nurture a positive mindset.
Expand your joy vocabulary: Many people struggle to label their positive emotions much beyond fine, good or great. But research suggests that finding more words to describe those feelings can validate and intensify them, Dr Meuret said. When reflecting on how something made you feel, try to be precise, using words like serene, elated, exhilarated, delighted, inspired.
Share your highlight reel: Think about the details you typically volunteer when asked about your day or a recent trip. It can be tempting to vent. But broadcasting what made you happiest can make you feel better, spread that happiness to another person – and strengthen a bond, said associate professor of psychiatry Charlie Taylor at the University of California, San Diego, who researches social reward sensitivity.
Find silver linings: With practice, it is possible to notice the positives hidden in things that you might first see as negative, Dr Taylor said. For example, if you invited co-workers to get together and only one person showed up, you could easily view that as a failure. But the silver lining, he said, would be that you got to know that one person better.
Forecast future wins: If looking at your calendar sparks dread, Dr Meuret said, pick an event that is approaching and think of the best possible outcome. If you are tired and want to back out of meeting a friend for a workout, picture an especially energising class. Imagine smiling at each other across the room, feeling proud. Using imagery can encourage motivation and prime you for more uplifting experiences, Dr Meuret said.
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Keep in mind, too, that it is normal to sometimes feel uncomfortable with pleasurable feelings, particularly if you experience depression and anxiety.
“Some people can feel vulnerable when they let themselves feel good,” Prof LaFreniere said. Worrying can make you feel like you are ready to respond to threats – but by constantly preparing for disaster, he said, people miss the happiness in front of them right now.
On my recent weekend trip with my kids, it was a challenge to let myself have fun.
But sharing s’mores by the glistening ocean still filled me with lingering delight. I made sure to pause and savour the best parts, like when some florists gave us fistfuls of hydrangeas and roses from a wedding arch they were taking apart alongside the beach.
I felt waves of sadness crashing through the trip, thinking of the friend I had lost, but letting myself bask in love and levity helped me find my balance again.
“The truth is,” Prof LaFreniere said, “sometimes we need to behave like happy people if we actually want to be happy.” NYTIMES
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